My Unspoken Thoughts: an Outline May 21st, 2019

May 21, 2019

Trying to speak
Finally I am able to write dowm some random thoughts. I will send this outline out to you, dear reader in the hope that in the next few days I will be able to go through it to make it clearer.  Let me give you a definition of poor: Poor is having so much stuff to do just to get through a simple day, there is not enough energy enough to even begin to concern oneself with ones own human rights.

things to do:

• the credit card account has some discrepancies. I have to find out why I am have supposed to have withdrawn some money when I did not use the credit card.
• I have to call the welfare help line to ask why this enormous amount of money is being demanded in taxes. What amount of money am I entitled to each year and is it legitimate for the accountant to ask for this sum in taxes.
• I will add to list when my thoughts have cleared more.

1.   Test pilot and the money

Each time someone gave me money the money was taken away, no problem. I will give you a case in point of the mockery of a hardworking person and the system.  AN air force team took the money because a test pilot wanted to have an opportunity to test out a brand-new plane. He did not have the money to do this and his boss said, in front of me, that if he can take my money without any problem then he has the money and he can do what he like. He spent the money on the plane and went up in the air. In one second the plane was totaled and all the money gone.  The government official would not give him any money but he found mine.

First of a all, I do not understand how all this could happen n the space of a few hours unless everything was all set.  Second all, because I do not speak to anyone, I hear my own thoughts.  I wonder can you spend thirty million dollars on a test plane that crashes right way? Or was the money taken just for personal use?  I wonder.

A.      Over $1000. An unheard amount

                     i.            I am both ostracized and isolated in my women<s shelter. I do not speak to anyone for days. I actually speak my thought to only two people: proven aggressors. My brother and my psychiatrist. And both of these people I speak to for only a few minutes. So, it hard to speak at all, never mind in defences of myself. I have gotten my income tax return from the government. And for the second year they are asking me for over one thousand dollars to pay back in taxes. I have nothing like that in the back. It was so incredibly difficult to pay back this money the first time I cannot believe that the government wants this enormous sum every year. Can they not wait until have even a normal life?

                   ii.            The idea comes again and again to me. How come they are asking me for taxes to such an extent for the first time in my life when I am sixty years old? Can it be because the shelter is run by an austere religious order (who’s ideas fill me with horror by the way) it is assumed that I too shun material possessions. I have to tell you that the order has a lot more going for them then just hating everything that I have done with years. Or even more likely, can it be something that is promoted by the people who have use of everything that I am supposed to have, that I refuse everything as well.

                 iii.            So meagre is my money I am confined to my room in a very hostile environment. Yeats and years go by and I amore an more victim to brutal aggressors or are so casual that complete silencing does’ seem worthy of noticing.

                 iv.            I speak to someone every two weeks and I forgot to tell my psychiatrist that the government is asking me for an unheard amount of money. And that I’m scared

                   v.            I only speak to my psychiatrist and my brother who I only see on the phone. He has for bid me to speak to any kind of financial advice including the accountant and also the investment counsellor.

2.    The Debt Diet

                     i.            I got a tape on how to avoid debt and pay off the money you owe. It was by Ophrah Winfrey. All were about families which I’m too poor to have a family. As a matter fact I’m too poor to have a friend. And too insane. Who solutions for even the poorest couple were so incredibly out of my league I was finally face-to-face with the extent of my poverty which I live from day today. A long time ago I grew accustomed to go for walks to exercise because its free.  This is the only thing that I can afford. There’s very little information to help people as poor as me so I try to glean what I can from the conversations that exist on the net.  Every thing one is about people who have enough money to travel, to have a family to have a house and a car.  Okay I guess I understand because why help people so poor as me. There’s a lot more money to make with opportunity.  The problem is to me these people are not at all destitute.

                   ii.            So much is my destitution severe, financially IWatch as your penitents from the religious orders around the world treat with contempt the small or expensive things that I offer them in payment or at holidays.   So much for trying to pay off things with barter.

                 iii.            But the problem is, concerning that, is as they go around with the signs of their personal poverty, such as neat but shabby attire, I cannot help but noticing that these very same people have use of a fleet of cars.  I cannot also not help but assume they have written off more than one outfit to wear, not because it is difficult but because they are from a culture that does this in the first place. All the things they refuse as superfluous come from a background and a culture that treats these things with contempt in the first place.  Okay perhaps that’s a little narrow for me but the crux of the issue is as your virtuous people come in symbols of poverty, I, as someone who I is truly poor, cannot help but notice that often your symbols are just symbols not reality. This first of all damages their reputation to me, and second of all makes me fear not giving to these people.  In other words, I listen too much to most hostile of policies without question or hope, simply because the woman has a whole bunch of people with her, often immoral I might add are not averse to stealing if something worthwhile comes to me. (Often this valuable thing comes after a great deal of intense work sometimes years, sometimes, incredibly stressful and sometimes brutally hurtful).  In their words, in the name or piety. But not at the time of the theft. Not all all. At that time it is the question of power.  And years and years go by making me more a more isolated.

                 iv.             I never had a credit card before and I had a lot of mountain money to pay off. However, it doesn’t make sense to me not to have a credit card. The solutions of cutting up both your debit card from the bank and your credit card are so incredibly limiting the only way I could figure out that the solutions are mentioned in the first place is the people who talk about something poverty or incredibly wealthier than me.

                   v.             

3.   The notE i O U $1000 and the justice system

Over 60 years ago or 40 years ago I was put in an instrument of torture so that my house and all my positions would be signed over to my aggressors. Still in my instrument of torture my aggressors took me to a judge or whoever is responsible for me signing over the house. I have been going to the school system since a small H. It is illegal not to I thought. Therefore, one of the first things I learned to do was read and write another thing I learned very fast was the extreme importance of the lost system, a lawyer and contracts. Desperate and a freight and watching a merciless system I tried to give the person which is the only think I gave a promise Siri note. I said I owe you a house and I put a picture of a box with a triangle on it. This is the documentation that has given the house to my aggressors for over 40 years and there seems to be no problem with it the question in my mind is since the government is asking me for taxes for the first time in my life now I am 60 is are they still texting me for the house that I don’t own or do I. How could this system for 40 years give everything I have two people who are torturing me with a promise Siri note like that and then call me homeless and a bum who lives outside on the street it is this very government that is simply asking me now for over $1000 on my meagre some of money that I live in so poor I am I look with all as people who have even a nice room on the fourth floor big because the wealthier I belong to an order who are also wealthier and always asking for money. I hope because of the circumstances no problem in assuming that this justice system will treat we with the utmost her if I do not pay this money back. I also wonder what else are they going to ask me since I’m supposed to have a house and a building and a business and I don’t know if it’s true I have no documentation are they waiting at the line chomping at the bit to throw me out on the street again and say at the same time then I’d love it because I don’t Accept money. Have every confidence that this horrible place will treat me with the atmosphere as they have for most of my life and because of money.             

Desperate and afraid and watching a merciless system I tried to give the person which is the only think I gave a promissory note. I said I owe you a house and I put a picture of a box with a triangle on it. This is the documentation that has given the house to my aggressors for over 40 years and there seems to be no problem with it the question in my mind is since the government is asking me for taxes for the first time in my life now I am 60 is are they still texting me for the house that I don’t own or do I   

If your order and it’s extended community or much wealthier or more connected than me keep on sending me proven violent aggressors to handle even the basic simple things once in a while so that they not even legal can I live how do they expect anything but aggressors to address and they do not only am I confined to my room I have been forced to shut up and not speak for over 12 years which is why I cannot express myself. Such is a bad institution which is where I presently live.

4.   Getting attacked to go Home and be with the family

One of the things that have been going on for years are invitations by my brother to come to his house which is far away and celebrate holidays with “the family”.  They, by the way have my name. For decades I went to their house a two-hour bus ride from where I live, and inevitably I was assaulted on the way.  (Hence, I had a psychiatric problem: repeated head injuries for violent attach).  Now with rest and food I have the ability to say no to these invitations.  It seems to me that people have been taking advantage of these violent attacks to claim I incompetent of handling any kind of material possessions or money.  Why I was getting attacked and stopping these attacks did not seem to be of any concern throughout these years.