In honor of nationals international Women's Day our residents aired a film. Among many wise issues it discussed one of the things that hit me had to do with the fact that the more the victim is silent the more the victim is the victim. The victims worst enemy is silence period now this is not always gonna have been and since in the past I have been shrieking in distress and have been punished for making noise I guess when I published this article it will be private. Hence it's best to put it on the dark log.
I'm reaching 65 years old and I have been told that I now
qualify for a Canada pension since I lived in Canada over 40 years. This has
created a great deal of distress for me. I find it horrible that I have lived
my whole life it's such a vile country in which I can only live I'm below the
poverty line. I find myself in a great disgrace for that. And I'm surrounded by
people who think it's a very high thing not to have money. As a matter of fact
they think it's horrible to have money. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I
find myself feeling a great despair now. I don't find myself so upset that it
seems like that i'm unusual. Everybody seems to be happy to just live poorly.
As a matter of fact I find a lot of women who are not just good they're holding
because they have nothing at all. So why am I mortified and sick to find that
at 65 years old I'm going to get it guaranteed supplement income worthy of
someone who doesn't even qualify to live above the poverty line
So I've been doing a fair amount of thinking. And since I'm
not to complain a hell of a lot of crying alone and feeling sick about the
whole issue. So my memory comes back sometimes. And I'm hitting two workers
from the halfway house I lived in for over 20 years. I'm thinking of them again
and again. Because I remember them as part of a team when I went for a vacation
in the country. This was a team of which they were the workers who came at the
beginning to arrange things. And then there was a nurse who I don't remember as
clearly. And then there was someone else. The reason I I was put in some sort
of apartment hospitality apartment in order to be divested of every single
thing I had and to be created as a new family and to be introduced by a man who
would claim to be my father and has been for a while or his organization and
simply and clearly divest me of every single penny and every single thing I
ever had. Oh were they pious oh are they good to fight for me as long as that
is what it is.
The man was introduced to me after a great amount of
beatings on my head as my new father. Again he would throughout the years with
his organization leave me absolutely destitute. Once that was established they
would be my family and I would go to meet their house what 1/2 hours there and
back to eat supper as a disobedient daughter. The problem with these two women
is they surfaced again in the halfway house.
now I remember these two people clearly by face I recognize
them clearly. The first primary workers came as a team the two of them in the
halfway house again. Not only that the nurse that they started the nurse that
came after them appeared in the halfway house for a time as well. I'm very
disturbed at this because I have lost so much. Without even knowing it until
I've begun to remember them as working first of all unabashedly and without any
kind of concern for decency or any kind of ideas of a worker to break me and
take my money and identity and give me some horrible man as a new father who
would take duly everything which he was gonna do and leave nothing. And then
secondly as a greatly moral high polluting pious and righteous people helping
the unfortunate on the street until her other nurse came along. OK since I
don't remember much what happened at the halfway house except everything kind
of went to pieces and I've been in a horrible place for a long time as damned
it occurs to me to wonder what I did or what happened that everything would be
taken away if it was in the forward house because I did something. Because they
arranged that I looked like it when they gave me a new family who took
everything.
The thing that's been bothering me a lot about getting my
pension because I lived in Canada 40 years is where do they think I lived
before all this horrible stuff happened and I moved out of my house to get my
university education. Now getting back to the question of silence is the worst
enemy of human trafficking, I guess even before the silence is the breaking of
her mind so that the victim like myself will not ever say anything about the
horror they endure for a lifetime.
So instead of being grateful or happy from living for 40
years in Canada I feel a horror of the place and the horror of the whole
situation. The thing that comes back to my mind again is why I am so distressed
of my lifelong poverty. I should be OK with it at least if I was raised to harm
that fate. Why. new line this is very hard for me too conceptualize so I'm
writing this to clear my thoughts dude this has been bothering me for a while.
And there's more thoughts about it but right now I'm gonna stop here and I'm
going to publish it on the dark log which is a private blog just like this
untouched and confused confused until I get back to it.
One other thing that's been going through my mind is why they
would only break me as a mature woman of 25 years old and then later on the
street in the halfway house. They have had ample freedom with these two attacks
and I really don't see why they have to wait till I was so old before they
attacked me. Could this breaking of a mind and spirit and social ruining have
occurred many times before in my life? Of this for gross material gain gross
material gain?
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