Question;
What does my voice sound like to me?
Answer; My voice is mostly music and I usually sing or
listen to myself when I am alone. I am even afraid to sing. I can’t help it
sometimes and I do so anyways. Alone my voice is always present. I speak to
myself a lot if not constantly. It is a voice of a critic that is often negative.
I’m learning to be a little bit benevolent sometimes my when voice is like that.
When it’s benevolent it is great
My voice with other is defiant and scared. I have difficulty
speaking in front of people So my voice there is quiet and used after a great
deal of hesitation. Right now, my voice is mostly listening.
I comfort myself by thinking that my voice is actually the
voice of the music and the thoughts that I listen to as well as the programs on
television that I listen to. I guess it’s not a wonderful substitute but it’s
what I have right now.
Question;
When have I used my voice to advocate for myself or for
others? This would include times when you’ve encountered injustice or have
given up. Or tell the hard truth someone who needed to hear it.
(Personal Note:
Before I go and dive into this, I have to say one hard
truth. As someone who is advocated professionally in the past it occurs to me
now clearly concisely since I am under the poverty line. It is best to include
with a question of what you advocate for the word responsibility to yourself.
If you advocate for yourself or someone else you have to look to see what the
results will be. I understand that people do not help other people enough that
is very clear. It is all over.
What is not clear is what happens and what remains after
you advocate for somebody without checking out the reaction. This is never
stated and this lack of responsibility to myself, personally, both by people
who were advising me and myself, has caused me a great deal of harm. It is best
to include when faced with a question of what you advocate with an eye to the responsibility
you must maintain to yourself. If you advocate for yourself or someone else you
have to look to see what the results will be. I understand that people do not
help other people enough. That is very clear. It is all over. What is not clear
is what happens and what remains after you advocate for somebody without
checking out the reaction. This is never stated and has caused me a great deal
of harm.)
So, with the above qualification in mind, I have a great
deal of difficulty defending myself or advocating for my position. For example,
recently I felt I was not served an adequate meal. I did not know why whether
there was something wrong with me or something had gone wrong in the kitchen. I
was afraid to ask and this bothers me a lot. However, at this point I find
myself paralyzed with fear of punishment.
One great punishment is having a cocktail of having to live
below the poverty line and not being able to speak to have your wish is
listened or respected. (See above qualification in mind). One great punishment
is not being able to escape the poverty line and not having any kind of ability
to talk and therefore have your wishes respected.
Question;
When you are down how do you use your voice to encourage
yourself and keep on going?
Answer;
I have a great deal of difficulty using my own voice to
encourage myself. I have a tendency to be self-critical which I’m fighting now.
However, I find these apps of meditation online very useful. For example, in
One app gives a fair dose of self comforting. That is techniques to self
comfort yourself. I find this extremely useful. Another app for meditation
gives many ways that you could calm down. Using my voice to both self comfort,
self encourage, and calm down or extremely important to me for my voice right
now.
Question;
What does my voice stand for? what do I believe in right
now? What values do I believe in?
Answer;
Right now, I am in a very private place. I see no one
but am going inside myself to a very hurt indistinct place (much like a fetus
in a fetal position in a womb). What my voice stands for right now is
self-healing. Finding the right ways to calm myself down so that I am not
confused. I am working to self comfort myself enough to begin to see the beauty
in others, to remember even remotely the good relationships that I have had in
the past. The values that I believe in is courtesy and respect to others
and mostly to start with myself. My voice is focused on regaining my own sense
of self worth which is chronically missing at this time.
Let me take a moment to
thank my voice for, after a long search, finally finding some avenues to calm
myself down and recently even make myself feel comforted.
Personal Note: I love the recent finds I have had with the
apps I find online. However, I would like some other apps. If you know of a
meditation on financial wellness, more specifically dealing with protecting my
artwork in my possession (yes, it is in danger), as well as getting off a
situation of financial dependence and poverty, or one on finding your own kind
of beautiful (with tips on music to play, actions to do, fashion advice) that
would be very much appreciated. These meditations
can not be too long since I would like to do them each day and I have other meditations
in my rep now. If you have info on the subject, please write me at www.facebook.com/theartfabiancompany
or contact me at www.instagram.com/kvfabian
or at @KKFabian
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